Moving Violations

Written by: Amanda Henderson, August 1, 2018

A moving violation is described as a traffic violation in a moving vehicle. Therefore, if the operation of your vehicle goes smoothly and without issue, you won't have any problems with law enforcement. What if the vehicle in question is your own body, and it doesn't obey your prompts? You may not get in trouble with the law, but navigating daily life can be a much more difficult task. This photo shows me (and my great nephew) with my 'vehicle', which helps me go a much farther distance than if I tried to walk without it, since my legs do not respond to my will to keep moving forward.

Moving also defines gathering objects and carrying them over from one place to another. Most people have moved in some way, from homes or jobs, and know the many emotional and physical aspects of life changing events. There are a myriad of reasons for uprooting and moving, but most experiences can be both thrilling, and in some ways, devastating. Humans tend to become attached to other people, places, and things, and re-situating any of these major items can be overwhelming, but often exciting, also.

My husband and I have recently decided to move from the home we purchased together in 2006, and lived with his two children in the town they grew up in. They've both graduated from high school and no longer need our roof over their heads. We decided to move closer to my husband's place of employment to avoid the commute. It will also be easier for me to get to my weekly IV at the hospital, and other doctor appointments and errands. We are also opting to downsize, since we won't require as much space, and it will be easier for me to move around and take care of a much smaller area.

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a chronic disabling, debilitating disease with no cure, and 43 years of living with it has, of course, become more difficult. I have a very hard time living a seemingly normal life. I used to volunteer and push myself in many directions to keep my body moving and feel useful despite my predicament. The 'moving violations' have piled up and become much too difficult to overcome. Downsizing for me means more than just cutting personal belongings and space to a minimum, but also making adjustments to daily chores, living and even enjoyable tasks that involve creative talents. EDS effects every aspect of physical being, from what I ingest to how I move. To counteract the violations I incur, I try to make my regular routine as simple as possible so that I can add in the fun things now and then when I am able.

Another factor of our decision is that finding proper care and treatment for EDS in the midwest is near impossible. Struggling through each day with the stigma of 'looking fine' and trying to seem fine to be acceptable to my peers is more and more difficult to achieve. I find that when I cannot conceal my illness, some people become uncomfortable around me, so I push myself past what is reasonable for my body to achieve. It's even more difficult to try to understand how those closest to me can seem put off when I'm struggling, so I'm never sure how much I should share with them without seeming helpless or needy. I'm not always sure what the rules are, either. Sometimes it's only apparent to me that I'm on a very different path from what I used to know.

Having had a stroke a couple of years ago has lead to many interesting challenges that people who don't experience brain trauma will never completely understand. My short term memory was seriously effected, and moving all of the items around in my house is a chore for my poor brain and wears me out in ways I would not have imagined. Since I'm already frazzled mentally and physically, I might ask my husband what the plan is a minimum of five times for each task. Sometimes he'll say, "I just said... ", which leaves me wondering when and how I had conveyed that particular conversation before, and we're both left a little confused. Imagine you're coaching with an assistant, and together you've drawn up a list of plays and practiced with your team so that when it's game time, you can just tell the team which plays they need to perform and they can do it. Seems simple enough. But, at game time, the assistant simply looks at you with exasperation wondering what you mean by that play name. Whoa. Game stopping moving violation. Time out, let's narrow it down and simplify things so they have a better chance of happening in the way we need them to occur. In daily life, that translates to always keeping items in the same place, having smaller and less space to keep said items, and learning new ways to be helpful and accepting of challenges. Therefore, when people who care rise to the occasion and help by learning about the condition, acknowledging and helping smooth over crises, and basically go with the flow in any way they can with out discounting the bumpy ride but also not making it the main focus, they are a pretty amazing human. (thanks, hubby)

The list of challenges can go on and on, and describing what daily life is like for those with chronic, disabling, and invisible illnesses can be a daunting task. We cry out for understanding and acceptance only to be left behind in the dust in many different ways, suffering literal moving violations both physically and mentally. Many of us probably remember what it was like to live the 'American dream' and were making strides to achieve it. But, if you can't keep up with the rat race, you are thought of as a lesser person, and people just don't identify with your new and different lifestyle. Thankfully, with the dawn of internet and new technology, we can reach out and find understanding and coping skills from those of us in the same boat. Although, I've also read (and felt) time and again the emptiness surrounding someone with a misunderstood condition. It leads me to want to not only provide comfort for those who are on a similar path as mine, but to urge those who know someone who is discounted due to things that, at this time they don't understand, to reach out to them. Please realize that any effort to touch the heart of someone who is truly struggling through no fault of their own, is granting motivation to keep trying. They might be wearing a mask of self awareness and approval, but the possibility is great that there are things going on that they don't want you to know about for fear of being pushed even farther away from what they're trying to achieve. We are all trying to drive our vehicles through life with the least amount of moving violations, but sometimes it can help so many to slow down and wait for those who are falling behind.